The following reflective essay was originally published in Slovak on the Mloki platform (mloki.sk). Written after my residency at HELLERAU – European Centre for the Arts in Dresden, as part of the Nebenan/Zblízka festival, it offers an in-depth look into the movement research and conceptual framework behind my project CREATURES OF TOUCH. The text explores themes of embodiment, vulnerability, and form, and reflects on my evolving artistic practice. This is the full English translation.

In the end, luck smiled upon my project once again!

After countless applications, rewrites of motivation letters, and endless edits (because it can always be better...), and after moments of frustration, burnout, and numerous rejections, I received another opportunity to continue the movement research that forms the foundation of my artistic work. Thanks to the residency at HELLERAU in Dresden as part of the Nebenan/Zblízka festival, which I attended together with dancer Giorgia Scisciolová, I gained not only a space to work, but also the vital support needed to fully immerse myself in the research and creation of a new piece: CREATURES OF TOUCH (BYTOSTI DOTYKU).

This movement research, focused mainly on sensitivity, touch, connection, and transformation, has no clear beginning—and I suspect it will have no definite end either. It represents a rediscovery and deepening of themes I have already explored in my previous choreographies THE ESSENCE and ANOMALIE.

The research contains numerous elements I continuously dissect, reshape, and attempt to understand within the broader context. I strive to name each element precisely, not to let it remain ephemeral or abstract, but to give it a tangible presence within the creative process. Naming is, for me, a way to anchor the element in material reality—allowing it to exist not only sensorially but also conceptually.

 After writing this text, I realized its analytical nature, which undoubtedly gives it a more academic tone. I believe this approach stems from my long-standing interest in theories of touch and embodiment, which—within the context of CREATURES OF TOUCH—have become the subject of intense inquiry. Engaging with theory allows me to reflect on and articulate ideas that would otherwise remain in the realm of intuitive knowing. In this case, writing becomes a means of grasping and communicating them.

In this text, I want to highlight one of the key elements I (re)discovered and (re)explored during the HELLERAU residency:

FROM FORM TO PORN

ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ

For me, "From form to porn" explores the relationship between form and feeling in dance performance. Feeling—intense and raw—is a central element of my artistic research. At the same time, this aspect raises questions about vulnerability and strength, about the boundaries between lived experience and performative expression.

Feeling as Transformation

In my work, feeling is not merely the body’s response to stimuli, but rather a process of transformation, in which movement becomes an expression of inner states. This kind of experience involves engaging with intimate emotional dimensions, as well as the body’s ability to transcend its usual identity. I believe that in this way, feeling becomes a form of communication—one that can surpass rational interpretation and speak to the viewer on a transcendental level.

Radical Transparency of the Body

In my movement research, I use the term “porn” not in its conventional sexual sense, but to denote extreme sensitivity and presence of the body. It is a state in which the performer embodies themselves as a raw medium of sensation. This concept suggests a potential for the body’s radical transparency—one that reveals its internal processes without aesthetic masks or performative control. In my research, “porn” represents a bodily experience of sensory and tactile intensity that transcends ordinary perception.

Naturally, this mode of performativity raises questions: What happens when the body exits the regime of aesthetic control and becomes pure expression of experience? And is such transparency even possible—or is it merely a conceptual fiction?

Vulnerability as Strength

Intense feeling inevitably leads to vulnerability. A performer who opens themselves up to the audience’s gaze in such a state may confront a tension between spontaneity—extreme feeling—and the need for control. But in my work, vulnerability does not signify weakness. On the contrary, I perceive it as a source of strength. When I am able to remain in that state, I can create a deeper connection—with myself, with the audience, and with the space—thus intensifying the performative experience.

Within my movement research, I continually seek strategies to remain in this state of vulnerability, to enjoy it, to experience it as power—and also as a driving force of creativity.

Form as Anchor

In contrast to raw sensation stands form. Form serves as an element of support for the performer. Formal elements of choreography—such as fixed movements or spatial composition—allow the performer to navigate between experience and shaping of the body. This coexistence of form and feeling generates a dynamic that keeps the performance alive and grounded.

My work is strongly somatic, meaning that the exploration of embodiment and experience plays a key role—even during the performance itself. This is why the feeling of shame during a performative act can become a real obstacle that affects not only the performer’s psyche but also their physical expression. In this context, form functions not only as a structural frame, but also as a tool to regulate intense inner states. It provides the performer with an orientation point they can return to in moments when the emotional charge disrupts their ability to be fully present. In this sense, form acts as a stabilizing force, allowing the performer to remain in the process without losing artistic intention.

As the performer constantly shifts between surrendering to feeling and maintaining control over movement, the performance becomes a laboratory for testing the relationship between spontaneity and composition.

Pushing Boundaries

I see the relationship between form and feeling as a dynamic interaction between different states of mind and the shift between sympathetic and parasympathetic dominance in the nervous system. Form—as a deliberately structured whole—is associated with a higher degree of cognitive control and muscle tone, while feeling—as a somatic experience of being—often correlates with states of greater receptivity and sensory expansion. I enjoy dynamically shifting between these two states, exploring how they transform my body and sense of self. I also see it as a way of testing my limits—and this constant reflection and boundary-pushing is a major source of my creative fulfillment.

Creature of Touch: Drag as a Path to Self-Knowledge and Empowerment

In the process of creating and performing CREATURES OF TOUCH, I constantly move between two poles—form and porn/feeling. Searching for a symbiosis between these elements is not only a path to artistic self-expression, but also a means of exploring my own embodiment and its connection to the world.

I see the *Creature of Touch* not just as an aesthetic concept, but primarily as a medium of self-knowledge and deeper interconnectedness with the world. For me, it represents experimental drag—an artistic and performative form that transcends the traditional understanding of drag performance. While classic drag often emphasizes exaggerated femininity or masculinity (typically drag queens and drag kings), experimental drag focuses on breaking binary gender stereotypes and exploring identity, the body, movement, and performativity in unconventional ways. In my version of drag, bodily integration plays a central role, emerging through the pleasure of touch and movement—and this process brings a sense of empowerment.

But perhaps more about that next time.